By Ryan Boyd, Up Hub summer student

Loneliness is one of the most common and universal human emotions, and yet, we still struggle to fully understand its complexities and causes. Feelings of loneliness show up differently for each individual, and symptoms vary from person to person. One thing we know for sure is that loneliness can be very damaging to a person’s state of mind in the long run.

It may be tempting to define loneliness simply as the desire for human contact, but according to many experts, loneliness is not a state of mind caused by being forced into isolation. Loneliness is about the way you feel, regardless of your social situation. Even the most extroverted person can still feel lonely. For example, a popular student at school may still feel lonely despite being surrounded by hundreds of their peers every day.

Loneliness is an involuntary state of mind often caused by situations outside of a person’s control, like moving to a new school, starting a new job, being rejected, or the death of a family member or friend. Someone may be searching for human connection, but if they can’t seem to find it, this can lead to feelings of loneliness.

Voluntary isolation happens when people purposely avoid social interactions. These people can still maintain healthy relationships with others, but might really enjoy spending time by themselves. These tendencies can be very healthy for a person as it allows them to depend on themselves and focus on their own well-being.

People who feel chronically lonely desperately wish for connections with other people, but feel that these connections are impossible to achieve. There are many contributing factors that may cause feelings of loneliness. The leading causes are usually understood to be of an internal nature, like low self-esteem, or depression. This leads people to believe that they’re unwanted, unneeded or unworthy of relationships with others, which can then result in chronic loneliness.

Overcoming loneliness

Combating loneliness is not as simple as developing as many shallow connections with people as you can muster. For example, we can develop feelings of loneliness despite living in a social media age where we can connect with people from all across the world with similar interests to our own. We know that a person can still feel lonely, even if they have hundreds of friends and followers on social media.

It isn’t about the quantity of relationships you build; it’s the quality of your relationships that really matter. Having a couple of close, loving friends may be enough to ward off feelings of loneliness in many people.

Overcoming loneliness can be challenging, but it can be done. The best way to eliminate feelings of loneliness is to put yourself out there. Here are some helpful suggestions that may be able to assist you in preventing or overcoming loneliness:

  1. Participate in activities you enjoy. Do you enjoy playing sports? Why not join a local recreational sports league like the York North Basketball Association? Do you like reading? Look into joining a book club like the Vaughan Hooked on Books program. Activities like this present great opportunities to meet people with similar interests and build new friendships.
  2. Focus on improving your current relationships. Meeting new people is very important, but strengthening existing relationships can be a fantastic way to overcome loneliness and improve your mental health. Try reaching out to a friend or family member you haven’t heard from in a while. If you have a close friend, but feel like you’ve been drifting apart, tell them how you’ve been feeling. Being vulnerable and opening up to someone you love can bring you closer to them in the long run.
  3. Get active in your community. Help make you community a better place by seeking out opportunities to volunteer and be of service. Volunteer work is a great way to feel better about yourself while giving back and actively improving the lives of those around you. Organizations like Volunteer Markham are a good place to start looking for opportunities to get involved in your community and make a difference. There are many non-profit and charitable organizations across York Region looking for help.
  4. Recognize the feeling of loneliness and do something about it. The best way to combat loneliness is to nip it in the bud before it gets worse. If you’re feeling lonely, it probably means that something needs to change in your life. Loneliness can impact your mental and physical well-being, so if you recognize the symptoms, make a conscious effort to combat them.

Even though feelings of loneliness can seem overwhelming, they can be overcome. Don’t forget that being alone isn’t the same as feeling lonely, so if feelings of loneliness persist, reach out to those around you for support. There are also many different avenues you can explore to get professional help. There are always people who are willing to listen and lend a helping hand. Be strong and do your best to overcome the challenges you’re facing, because you’re worth it.

If you’re struggling and feeling lonely and need support, call YSSN’s Community Crisis Response Service at 1-855-310-COPE(2673). Caring crisis workers are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.