To be able to set limits we must be mindful of the state we are in, physically, emotionally, and mentally.  We need to understand what we can tolerate and accept versus what makes us feel uncomfortable and causes stress. According to Randi Kreger, “setting limits is not all about the other person. It is something you do to take care of yourself because you cannot control the other person or change them. But you can control your own life.” Setting limits helps you to find a balance between your needs with the needs of your loved one and to be honest, it isn’t easy. 

Establishing limits is an active process and requires careful thought and self-awareness. Before setting something as a limit you need to see if it truly is a limit, one that you would be willing to enforce and live with the outcome. If you try setting a limit and then fail to enforce it, you are actually reinforcing the behaviour that you are trying to limit. If you continually allow your limits to be violated, you may end up feeling resentful or taken advantage of by your loved one and it may diminish your self-respect. 

Before setting limits a few things to take into consideration: 

1. Limits don’t hurt, they model a way of life and promote self caring. 
2. The purpose of limits is not to punish, but to teach. By imposing a limit you are telling your loved one they have a choice and that those choices will result in different outcomes. Limits provide a framework for them to understand that their actions (positive or negative) have natural consequences. If they don’t respect the limit, they are making a choice and are responsible for their own behaviour. 
3. Setting limits is about listening more than talking. Try to see the situation from your loved one’s perspective because doing so will allow you to set realistic limits that both you and your loved one can accept. 
4. Personal limits do not need to be justified or explained. It is your limit, period. 
5. Before setting a limit, clear the FOG (Fear, Obligation and Guilt). 

Communicating Limits with Your Loved One 

To be fair and effective, you will need to communicate with your loved one and explain your limits to them. This isn’t a negotiation, nor is it an exercise where you should feel obligated to justify your limits, but your loved ones need to know what the limits are. Once they are aware of the limit they can make the conscious decision to adhere to them, or ignore them and then you must both deal with the consequences. 

1. Let your loved one know what behaviour is inappropriate and be as specific as possible. “Becoming violent or destructive is an unacceptable way to deal with a situation and it needs to stop.”  
2. Explain why the behaviour is inappropriate and don’t assume that they will understand, especially if you have tolerated the behaviour in the past. “When you become violent towards me or others it hurts, and makes me feel disrespected.”   
3. Let your loved one know what your limit is. “When you are violent and hit me, it hurts and I feel sad and sometimes even afraid. This is a limit for me and I am not going to take this from you anymore.”  
4. Consider developing a consensus by asking for your loved one’s input. Providing choices rather than ultimatums will reduce power struggles and there will be a better chance that your loved one will be accepting of the consequence. Collaborate with your loved one to come up with natural consequences that you are able to enforce. “Threats or physical violence is not acceptable to me. If it happens I am going to leave and call the police. What can we do so this does not happen? 
5. Be patient and give your loved one some time and space. They may be upset and need time to process what they are being told before making a decision. 
6. Reinforce the positive behaviour and be prepared to follow through with the consequence of a limit being broken. Limit setting is meaningless if you don’t follow through. If you give in, you are sending the message that you don’t mean what you say and your loved one will ignore and disrespect you and your limits. 

Setting limits can be a powerful tool when you are trying to change your loved one’s behaviour, but in the end it is important to remember that you set rules in order to have your personal boundaries respected. Expect a “crisis” when limits are challenged, and know that they will be challenged. Most of us have a past history of threatening consequences and making demands that were not consistently applied, so don’t expect them to be respected right away. Limits don’t have to be crystal clear, follow your instincts and remember that limits can evolve over time. Just be careful not to change them too often, and avoid changing them in the middle of a heated exchange or stressful moment. 

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This year on #GivingTuesday, YSSN is launching a campaign to raise $50,000 to support three new Safe Spaces for people facing significant life challenges — including those navigating unstable or unsafe living conditions.

Across York Region and South Simcoe, many individuals are struggling with both mental health challenges and environments that don’t support their wellbeing. Without a safe place to turn, people can become vulnerable to hospitalization, incarceration, or homelessness.

YSSN’s Safe Spaces provide a compassionate alternative: welcoming, supportive environments where people can stay briefly, connect with help, and take steps toward a safer and more stable future.

You can help build it — here's how.

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The good news? A few simple, comforting activities can make a meaningful difference in maintaining your mental health and well-being:

Build small, intentional routines 📅

A little structure goes a long way. Research shows that consistent, enjoyable routines can boost motivation and mood. Try watching your favourite show in the evenings, meeting a friend for coffee on the weekend, or cozying up with a good book before bed. Scheduling these small moments of joy can help you feel grounded and balanced.

Bundle up and get outside 🧥

While it can be tempting to stay inside, exposure to natural light and fresh air can make a big difference in your mood. Take a short nature walk while listening to music or a podcast, go for a scenic drive to take in the views, or plan a bonfire night with friends and family. These simple outdoor activities can help improve your emotional well-being.

Get creative and try something new 🎨

Incorporating creative activities into your daily life can reduce stress and increase happiness. Try cooking or baking a new recipe, crocheting, painting, pottery, scrapbooking, or whatever sparks your interest! Not only will you stay engaged, but you might also discover a new hobby or skill to share with loved ones.

These are just a few ways to beat the Winter Blues and maintain well-being. Embrace the cozy moments and make this winter a time for warmth and connection.

Interested in learning more? Explore here.

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Through the real experiences of three individuals and families, our video shares the hope, strength and support that YSSN brings to our community every day. Whether you’re struggling with your mental health, caring for a loved one, or living with a developmental disability, you’ll see how YSSN is here to walk with you on your journey. 

Meet the people behind the stories featured in YSSN's Journeys of Hope video: 

Jordan’s Story

Jordan was diagnosed with a developmental disability as a child. His journey with YSSN began early, and over the years, he’s received support tailored to his needs at every stage of life. From childhood into adulthood, YSSN has been there to help him and his family navigate services and build a fulfilling life.

Lea’s Story

When Lea reached out to YSSN, she was exhausted and on the brink of burnout. As a caregiver, she had been carrying the weight of responsibility for too long. Our caregiver navigator stepped in to help her access the right supports and find relief. Lea now feels better equipped to take care of her loved one,  and herself.
 

Barbara’s Story

Barbara reached out to YSSN to find help with her mental health and hoarding. She needed support to get back on track and reclaim her life. With the help of YSSN’s mental health services, Barbara found the tools and compassion she needed to move forward.

These powerful stories are just a few examples of the many people we’ve supported across York Region and South Simcoe. 

We invite you to watch our Journeys of Hope video, share it with someone who may need help, and learn how YSSN can support you or someone you care about. 

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June 2025, Newmarket ON

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When your loved one does not want help

While it may be hard to watch your loved one struggle and your natural instincts will be telling you to push your loved one to get help, it is important to understand that pushing may not result in them agreeing to help. The more you push, and the more aggressive your efforts are, the greater the chances that your loved one will resist, push back, withdraw from your relationship and try to take more control of their life. The first thing you must do is recognize that you can’t force your loved one to get help or control what they do. The next step is to recognize that you only have control over your own words and actions and that those words and actions will affect your relationship with your loved one.

Remember, if you want to have a chance of guiding your loved one down a path towards getting help, you have to have a strong relationship with them. The following are things to consider when supporting your loved one through their journey and towards recovery. Not only will these help to strengthen your relationship, they will keep the lines of influence and communication open, while reducing some of your suffering.

Communicating with your loved one 

Listen and validate 

If your relationship with your loved one is strained, it can be important to realize that sometimes we need to stop talking and take the time to “just listen”. Don’t listen to respond, but listen to try and understand what your loved one is telling you. Hear their words. Listen with the objective of trying to understand the meaning behind each word. Pay attention to the subtle intonations in their voice and their body language. Validate the truth in what they are saying. Validate what they are feeling, even if you don’t agree. Remember, their perceptions, thoughts and feelings are real to them. When your loved one feels heard and understood they will be more willing to open up and trust in your relationship. 

Use “I” statements instead of “You”

Take the approach of using “I” statements when discussing the importance of treatment. This will allow you to focus on your own feelings, without placing blame or criticizing your loved one. When you talk about your feelings, there is a lesser chance that your loved one will become defensive. For example instead of saying “You need help”, you can say “when you say you are thinking about suicide I worry about you and am afraid that I might lose you. I think it may be helpful for you to have the opportunity to talk to someone about those feelings”. 

Exploring options together 

Ask questions

Your loved one will not agree to get help if they do not want it, or if they don’t see the value in it. Try approaching them with curiosity. Ask questions to find out what their goals, wants, needs and concerns are. Open your mind to see things from their perspective. Once you know how they are feeling and what their own goals and objectives are, you can support them and guide them towards meeting those goals. By asking questions and listening, you will discover that while your loved one may be lost, they have their own goals. Their goals may be different than yours, and that doesn’t make them wrong, it just makes them different. 

Resist the urge to fix or give advice

Although it can feel like this is our struggle and our fight, you have to remember that this is your loved one’s journey, not yours. Fight the urge to jump in and try to fix things. Maintain your relationship, build trust and wait for your loved one to come to you. Empower them to solve their own problems and find their own solutions. Jumping in to try and fix things or giving unsolicited advice can make it seem like you feel that they are incapable, useless or fragile. Helping them devise ways to solve their own problems shows support and let’s them know you trust them and feel that they are capable. 

Engage in self-care

One of the key things when supporting a loved one with a mental illness is that you need to ensure you are taking care of yourself. If you do not take care of yourself, you will not be able to help your loved one. We often use the analogy of the emergency instructions we are given on an airplane. The flight crew always tells us to put on our own oxygen mask, before helping others. In this context it makes sense. You are not going to be able to help anyone else, if you pass out! The same is true as a caregiver. If you do not take care of yourself, you will not be able to help your loved one. Even though it may go against every instinct that you have as a caregiver, it is important that you force yourself to engage in self-care. 

• Make time to do things you enjoy. 
• Ask for help from family and friends if you need it. 
• Don’t isolate yourself.  Make the time to see family and friends. 
• Be respectful of your own boundaries and set limits. 
• Take care of your physical and mental health and seek professional support if needed. 

Educate yourself

Knowledge is power. The more you know about mental illness and addiction, the better equipped you will be to support your loved one. Take time to read articles, books, review websites and attend education sessions. 

Throw out your timetable

There is no magic timeline for recovery. Even if there was, it would be your loved one’s timeline and not yours. Your loved one’s journey will take its own unique path and it will progress at a pace that they are comfortable with. Inserting your own expectations of a timeframe for recovery will only set you up for disappointment and hardship. 

Respect the process! When your loved one moves forward or when they regress, move forward or backwards with them, even if they push you away. There will be times when this is hard, or even ugly and that’s okay. Let your loved one feel they are valued, supported and loved, regardless of their diagnosis. This is their life story, you are a part of it, and it will unfold as it should, not as you want it to. 

Resources

How to Love Someone With a Mental Illness 

What to do When They Don’t Want Help 

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Ontario Works (OW) 

Ontario Works is often referred to as “Ontario’s social safety net”. Ontario Works is a two-part program that offers income and employment support to people with no other source of income or savings. People can access income and/or employment supports separately, or both programs at once. It is not unusual for someone to be eligible for one part of the program, and not the other. The income supports provide people with a modest amount of monthly income to assist in covering housing costs and basic needs such as food and toiletries. While the employment supports provide people with skill upgrading, help with resume writing, access to volunteer opportunities and sometimes funds to purchase “tools of the trade” such as work boots or new clothing. While on Ontario Works, people also have access to medical, dental and prescription coverage. To learn more about this program, visit the Ontario Works website by clicking here: https://www.mcss.gov.on.ca/en/mcss/programs/social/ow/index.aspx 

Disability Tax Credit (DTC) 

The Disability Tax Credit is a non-refundable federal tax credit that helps people with disabilities or their caregivers reduce the amount of income tax they may have to pay. To learn more about this tax credit, visit Canada.ca. 

Registered Disability Savings Plan (RDSP) 

The Registered Disability Savings Plan (RDSP) is a long-term savings plan designed to help Canadians with disabilities and their families save for the future. To learn more about RDPSs, visit Canada.ca. 

Short Term Disability (STD) and Long Term Disability (LTD) 

STD and LTD are different from the previous financial supports as they are offered through employer’s benefits programs, and are not government supports. STD and LTD are typically available to those who pay into a benefits package through their employer. They provide time-limited financial support to individuals who are required to take a leave from work due to a disability. To learn more about STD and LTD, speak to your employer’s human resources department. 

Though many of these programs are geared towards our loved ones, it is important to know that they are also available to us, as Caregivers. 

To learn more about resources available to Caregivers, contact Streamlined Access at 289-340-0348 and press 3 to speak to our Family Caregiver Navigator. 

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